Phrases and their actual meanings: My teacher has never liked me. Expect a phone call before lunch from the teacher informing you that your child has been launching hot dogs by compressing them inside a small Thermos and then removing the lid quickly.

Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, 'No thank you' to desert that night. And for what?!

The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.

There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M.

One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies.

Motherhood is the second oldest profession in the world. It never questions age, height, religious preference, health, political affiliation, citizenship, morality, ethnic background, marital status, economic level, convenience, or previous experience.

My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.