Limousines used to be reserved for the ruling class, or, on special occasions, for the working class. Today, limousines are like taxicabs with the door handles still intact.

The mole rat is the only rodent born without a fur coat. With a good lawyer, someone would pay for that little oversight.

Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate.

My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.

When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they're not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or the music that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of capless shampoo dribbling down the shower drain. They're upset because they've gone from supervisor of a child's life to a spectator. It's like being the vice president of the United States.

No One Diets on Thanksgiving.

I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.