Limousines used to be reserved for the ruling class, or, on special occasions, for the working class. Today, limousines are like taxicabs with the door handles still intact.

A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight.

Myths that need clarification: "Everyone in California lives on a white, sandy beach." False. The only people who live on California beaches are vacationers from Arizona, Utah, and Nevada who own condos.

There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it.

In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans.

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.

God created man, but I could do better.