Limousines used to be reserved for the ruling class, or, on special occasions, for the working class. Today, limousines are like taxicabs with the door handles still intact.

I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.

No One Diets on Thanksgiving.

Mother's words of wisdom: Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth!

The woman who says, 'My kids are all speaking to one another and they love us' is a psychopathic liar.

There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. ... Time, self-pity, apathy, bitterness, and exhaustion can take the Christmas out of the child, but you cannot take the child out of Christmas.

If Life is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?