Limousines used to be reserved for the ruling class, or, on special occasions, for the working class. Today, limousines are like taxicabs with the door handles still intact.

Never accept a drink from a urologist.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

Once you see the drivers in Indonesia you understand why religion plays such a part in their lives.

I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order.

I used everything you gave me.

Myths that need clarification: "Everyone in California lives on a white, sandy beach." False. The only people who live on California beaches are vacationers from Arizona, Utah, and Nevada who own condos.