Children make your life important.

I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.

When humor go's, there go's civilization.

I don't think women outlive men, Doctor. It only seems longer.

I've decided life is too fragile to finish a book I dislike just because it cost $16.95 and everyone else loved it. Or eat a fried egg with a broken yolk (which I hate) when the dog would leap over the St. Louis Arch for it.

Most children's first words are 'Mama' or 'Daddy.' Mine were, 'Do I have to use my own money?'

I've always been intrigued with the variety of answers this generation will give their children who ask, "Where did I come from, Mommy?" They will range from "Number 176 vial in Buffalo, New York," to "You were defrosted."