I firmly believe kids don't want your understanding. They want your trust, your compassion, your blinding love and your car keys, but you try to understand them and you're in big trouble.

I don't know when pepper mills in a restaurant got to be right behind frankincense and myrrh in prominence. It used to be in a little jar that sat next to the salt on the table and everyone passed it around, sneezed, and it was no big deal.

Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, 'No thank you' to desert that night. And for what?!

Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna.

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.

It's frightening to wake up one morning and discover that while you were asleep you went out of style.