I firmly believe kids don't want your understanding. They want your trust, your compassion, your blinding love and your car keys, but you try to understand them and you're in big trouble.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.

The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our country. We revere anything older than George Burns.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

I'm so bored. I went to the food locker yesterday to visit my meat.

If I had my life to live over I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies.