I firmly believe kids don't want your understanding. They want your trust, your compassion, your blinding love and your car keys, but you try to understand them and you're in big trouble.

Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children.

We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill, 'He wants his mother.'

Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.

Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.

When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later.

I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'