I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.

House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.

Never loan your car to anyone to whom you've given birth.

I never go to a college reunion that I don't come away feeling sorry for all those paunchy, balding jocks trying to hang onto youth. I feel sorry for the men, too.

After age twelve, birthdays should be as private as hernia surgery.

I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.

What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?