My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?

Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.

If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

You show me a boy who brings a snake home to his mother and I'll show you an orphan.

The woman who says, 'My kids are all speaking to one another and they love us' is a psychopathic liar.

When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.

If anyone knew where they were, I'd send the ISDBB (Incredibly Stupid and Dumb Beyond Belief) award to the two guys who tried to break in to the Ohio penitentiary.