My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?

Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.

It's the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have...One pair that see through closed doors. Another in the back of her head...and, of course, the ones in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and reflect 'I understand and I love you' without so much as uttering a word.

If I raised my hand to wipe the hair out of my children's eyes, they'd flinch and call their attorney.

As a graduate of the Zsa Zsa Gabor School of Creative mathematics, I honestly do not know how old I am.

The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.