My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

It's [motherhood] the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today.

Let us hope manufacturers can come up with a diaper that is environmentally sound. To go back to cloth would send us back to the day when breathing and raising a baby at the same time were incompatible.

A child needs your love most when he deserves it least

Never have more children than you have car windows.