My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?

I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It's just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.

Do I have to use my own money?

Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it's still snowing.

There was a time when the respect and trust my children had for me would have made you sick to your stomach. They believed I could blow on a red traffic light and turn it green.

To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children.

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.