I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.

When you look like your passport photo, it's time to go home.

I was leafing through a magazine where there was a before-and-after picture of a woman who went from a size 5 to a size 3 by liposuction. Was she serious? I've cooked bigger turkeys than her "before" picture.

Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.

If the nest is truly empty, who owns all this junk?

Enter my first neighbor - a woman who spoke in complete, coherent sentences, who ate with a knife and fork and who only cried at weddings. I couldn't help myself. In a dramatic gesture, I bolted the door and threw my body across it to prevent her exit. She understood.

It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line.