I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.

With girls, everything looks great on the surface. But beware of drawers that won't open. They contain a three-month supply of dirty underwear, unwashed hose, and rubber bands with blobs of hair in them.

Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood.

All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.

I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food

The more I think about it, the more there is to be said for the sloth. He sleeps fifteen to eighteen hours a day and is known to have taken forty-eight days to travel four miles. He hangs in the trees after he's dead. But he lives longer than the cheetah.

I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night.