My idea of 'roughing it' is when you have to have an extension for your electric blanket.

I was a closet pacifier advocate. So were most of my friends. Unknown to our mothers, we owned thirty or forty of those little suckers that were placed strategically around the house so a cry could be silenced in less than thirty seconds. Even though bottles were boiled, rooms disinfected, and germs fought one on one, no one seemed to care where the pacifier had been.

Never have more children than you have car windows.

I became hysterical and frightened and begged for sedation. And that was just the first prenatal visit.

I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.

What does it profit a 78-year-old woman to sit around the pool in a bikini if she cannot feed herself?

Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable.