I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses.

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.

It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.

I used everything you gave me.

Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.

Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on.