Any mother with half a skull knows that when Daddy's little boy becomes Mommy's little boy, the kid is so wet he's treading water.

Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted.

Throughout the years I have set up my own rules about eating food: Never eat anything you can't pronounce. Beware of food that is described as, "Some Americans say it tastes like chicken.

Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

When humor goes, there goes civilization.

Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it's still snowing.