Any mother with half a skull knows that when Daddy's little boy becomes Mommy's little boy, the kid is so wet he's treading water.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. "What shall we name the other one?" I smiled. She was not amused.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.

Never be in a hurry to terminate a marriage. Remember, you may need this man/woman to finish a sentence.

I've decided life is too fragile to finish a book I dislike just because it cost $16.95 and everyone else loved it. Or eat a fried egg with a broken yolk (which I hate) when the dog would leap over the St. Louis Arch for it.

One certainty when you travel is the moment you arrive in a foreign country, the American dollar will fall like a stone.