My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

I've never vied for power in the family before. Pointing a box at the garage door and saying "Open!" was never a big deal, but holding that television tuner and realizing I alone control what is flashed on the screen brings out the Iacocca in me.

What makes people laugh? . . . It's a happy marriage between a person who needs to laugh and someone who's got one to give.

The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.

Next to hot chicken soup, a tattoo of an anchor on your chest, and penicillin, I consider a honeymoon one of the most overrated events in the world.

When they told me I needed a mastectomy, I thought of the thousands of luncheons and dinners I had attended where they slapped a name tag on my left bosom. I always smiled and said, 'Now, what shall we name the other one?' That would no longer be a problem.

If compliments were food, I'd have starved to death 28 years ago.