My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

I've decided life is too fragile to finish a book I dislike just because it cost $16.95 and everyone else loved it. Or eat a fried egg with a broken yolk (which I hate) when the dog would leap over the St. Louis Arch for it.

Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. "Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed?" Don't you want to save some of the pizza for your brother?" Wasn't there any change?

No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.

The woman who says, 'My kids are all speaking to one another and they love us' is a psychopathic liar.

Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.