A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight.

As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.

I am always behind the shopper at the grocery store who has stitched her coupons in the lining of her coat and wants to talk about a 'strong' chicken she bought two weeks ago. The register tape also runs out just before her sub-total. In the public restroom, I always stand behind the teen-ager who is changing into her band uniform for a parade and doesn't emerge until she has combed the tassels on her boots, shaved her legs, and recovered her contact lens from the commode.

It would have been a wonderful wedding - had it not been mine.

I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food

For the first two years of a child's life, we spend every waking hour tryibg to get the child to communicate. Then we spend the rest of our lives trying to figure out how we can reverse the process.

Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it.