Enter my first neighbor - a woman who spoke in complete, coherent sentences, who ate with a knife and fork and who only cried at weddings. I couldn't help myself. In a dramatic gesture, I bolted the door and threw my body across it to prevent her exit. She understood.

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.

I have paid as much as $300 a night to throw up into a sink shaped like a seashell.

There is only one thing harder in this world than forgiving. It's to ask forgiveness armed only with, 'I'm sorry'.

For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.