One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies.

In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.

I see children as kites. You spend a lifetime trying to get them off the ground. You run with them until you're both breathless. They crash . . . you add a longer tail . . . you patch and comfort, adjust and teach. You watch them lifted by the wind and assure them that someday they'll fly.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.

For the first two years of a child's life, we spend every waking hour tryibg to get the child to communicate. Then we spend the rest of our lives trying to figure out how we can reverse the process.

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.