I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.

Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.

With boys you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane. It's all there. The fruit flies hovering over their waste can, the hamster trying to escape to cleaner air, the bedrooms decorated in Early Bus Station Restroom.

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.

There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

When you're lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.

Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.