I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.

Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.

With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield.

Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can't see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.

I will never understand children. I never pretended to. I meet mothers all the time who make resolutions to themselves. 'I'm going to ... go out of my way to show them I am interested in them and what they do. I am going to understand my children.' These women end up making rag rugs, using blunt scissors.

The fact was I didn't want to look my age, but I didn't want to act the age I wanted to look either. I also wanted to grow old enough to understand that sentence.

I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.