I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.

People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.

If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.

If Life is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?

Not everyone is comfortable with the kissing ritual. My husband is one of them. Her refuses to press lips with anyone except his wife, mother, and dog. If someone wanted to give him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, he would refuse until he had been formally introduced.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.

With girls, everything looks great on the surface. But beware of drawers that won't open. They contain a three-month supply of dirty underwear, unwashed hose, and rubber bands with blobs of hair in them.