I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.

Throughout the years I have set up my own rules about eating food: Never eat anything you can't pronounce. Beware of food that is described as, "Some Americans say it tastes like chicken.

My son did not show signs of a money deficiency until he opened his small fist in the nursery and found it was empty.

My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.

Given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it... live it...and never give it back. Stop sweating the small stuff. Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what. Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us.

Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing "real" men do that doesn't seem to threaten their masculinity. To women, it's on the same domestic entry level as putting the spring back into the toilet-tissue holder or taking a chicken out of the freezer to thaw.

When humor go's, there go's civilization.