When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

As a graduate of the Zsa Zsa Gabor School of Creative mathematics, I honestly do not know how old I am.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.

I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It's just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.

Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.

With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield.