I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.

Laugh now, cry later.

Housework can kill you if done right.

The woman who says, 'My kids are all speaking to one another and they love us' is a psychopathic liar.

Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it.

Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises.

I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order.