A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

My son would walk to the refrigerator-freezer and fling both doors open and stand there until the hairs in his nose iced up. After surveying $200 worth of food in varying shapes and forms, he would declare loudly, 'There's nothing to eat!'

I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It's just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.

I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night.

Do I have to use my own money?

If I had my life to live over I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.