The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?

I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.

Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing "real" men do that doesn't seem to threaten their masculinity. To women, it's on the same domestic entry level as putting the spring back into the toilet-tissue holder or taking a chicken out of the freezer to thaw.

Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.

With girls, everything looks great on the surface. But beware of drawers that won't open. They contain a three-month supply of dirty underwear, unwashed hose, and rubber bands with blobs of hair in them.

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.