For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.

We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill, 'He wants his mother.'

Most children's first words are 'Mama' or 'Daddy.' Mine were, 'Do I have to use my own money?'

I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.

As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.

When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.

He opened the jar of pickles when no one else could. He was the only one in the house who wasn't afraid to go into the basement by himself. He cut himself shaving, but no one kissed it or got excited about it. It was understood when it rained, he got the car and brought it around to the door. When anyone was sick, he went out to get the prescription filled. He took lots of pictures... but he was never in them.