Never loan your car to anyone to whom you've given birth.

Never have more children than you have car windows.

Bombeck's Rug Rule: an ugly carpet will last for ever.

I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M.

Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children.