Never loan your car to anyone to whom you've given birth.

The more I think about it, the more there is to be said for the sloth. He sleeps fifteen to eighteen hours a day and is known to have taken forty-eight days to travel four miles. He hangs in the trees after he's dead. But he lives longer than the cheetah.

Sex in the nineties is boring. The problem is that it has gone from an active act to a spectator sport. We watch people make love on television and in films. We call 900 numbers to hear what someone would do to us if they weren't sitting in a boiler room of other dirty talkers reading from a prepared script.

Crocodiles have a smile I've seen on the face of every lawyer I've ever met.

I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.

Most children's first words are 'Mama' or 'Daddy.' Mine were, 'Do I have to use my own money?'