Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.

If anyone knew where they were, I'd send the ISDBB (Incredibly Stupid and Dumb Beyond Belief) award to the two guys who tried to break in to the Ohio penitentiary.

A child needs your love most when he deserves it least

As a graduate of the Zsa Zsa Gabor School of Creative mathematics, I honestly do not know how old I am.

There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it.

My son did not show signs of a money deficiency until he opened his small fist in the nursery and found it was empty.

Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood.