Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.

No One Diets on Thanksgiving.

Not everyone is comfortable with the kissing ritual. My husband is one of them. Her refuses to press lips with anyone except his wife, mother, and dog. If someone wanted to give him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, he would refuse until he had been formally introduced.

I'm on a diet as my skin doesn't fit me anymore.

A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight.

Sex in the nineties is boring. The problem is that it has gone from an active act to a spectator sport. We watch people make love on television and in films. We call 900 numbers to hear what someone would do to us if they weren't sitting in a boiler room of other dirty talkers reading from a prepared script.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.