The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a mother must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment's anxiety, and was never a child.

Never have more children than you have car windows.

Mother's words of wisdom: Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth!

If Life is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?

My mind works . . . two boobs never get me a job.

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises.