The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a mother must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment's anxiety, and was never a child.

Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.

Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood.

All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.

Bombeck's Rug Rule: an ugly carpet will last for ever.

It is difficult to single out one sport over another, but if I have to name one in my separation suit, it will undoubtedly be football.

I see children as kites. You spend a lifetime trying to get them off the ground. You run with them until you're both breathless. They crash . . . you add a longer tail . . . you patch and comfort, adjust and teach. You watch them lifted by the wind and assure them that someday they'll fly.