My mind works . . . two boobs never get me a job.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name.

Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.

There are few things in this world more satisfying than having your son teach you how to play tennis, unless it is having a semi-truck run over your foot.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

It would have been a wonderful wedding - had it not been mine.