Babies on television never spit up on the Ultrasuede.

I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby.

Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate.

Let us hope manufacturers can come up with a diaper that is environmentally sound. To go back to cloth would send us back to the day when breathing and raising a baby at the same time were incompatible.

Most children's first words are 'Mama' or 'Daddy.' Mine were, 'Do I have to use my own money?'

I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses.

Explain to me how he [her son] can ride a bicycle, run, play ball, set up a camp, swing, fight a war, swim and race for eight hours ... and has to be driven to the garbage can.