Pregnancy is the only time in a woman's life she can help God work a miracle.

My mother won't admit it, but I've always been a disappointment to her. Deep down inside, she'll never forgive herself for giving birth to a daughter who refuses to launder aluminium foil and use it over again.

Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.

My idea of 'roughing it' is when you have to have an extension for your electric blanket.

Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.

When humor go's, there go's civilization.

If anyone knew where they were, I'd send the ISDBB (Incredibly Stupid and Dumb Beyond Belief) award to the two guys who tried to break in to the Ohio penitentiary.