You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.

Housework can kill you if done right.

When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.

Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on.

I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.

Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, 'No thank you' to desert that night. And for what?!

I will never understand children. I never pretended to. I meet mothers all the time who make resolutions to themselves. 'I'm going to ... go out of my way to show them I am interested in them and what they do. I am going to understand my children.' These women end up making rag rugs, using blunt scissors.