You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.

If the nest is truly empty, who owns all this junk?

Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize whether it be in church, a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours when the lights are out. They have not yet learned that joy and laughter have to last a lifetime and must be conserved.

If Life is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?

It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You're on your own, Bernice.

I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.

Everyone I talked to was a recording-the bank, the elevator, your office, the school, a wrong number. You used to be able to call a wrong number and get a person.