You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.

I never go to a college reunion that I don't come away feeling sorry for all those paunchy, balding jocks trying to hang onto youth. I feel sorry for the men, too.

I used everything you gave me.

If Life is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?

Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn't even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.

Grandma told me Mama was once caught by the Principal for writing in the front of her book, "In Case of Fire, Throw This in First." I have never had so much respect for Mama as the day I heard this.

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.