Cats invented self-esteem.

It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You're on your own, Bernice.

Motherhood is the second oldest profession in the world. It never questions age, height, religious preference, health, political affiliation, citizenship, morality, ethnic background, marital status, economic level, convenience, or previous experience.

Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Early in my life I had made a pact with myself. I would never eat anything that moved when I cooked it, excited the dog, or inflated upon impact with my teeth.

Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.