When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.
Erma BombeckHave you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on.
Erma BombeckAuthorities say brain cells may shrink, but they don't necessarily die. Frankly, I am cheered by the fact that something is shrinking. I'd be even more thrilled if what was shrinking affected my dress size, but you can't have everything.
Erma BombeckMen who have a thirty-six-tele vised-football- games-a- week-habit should be declared legally dead and their estates probated.
Erma BombeckWhen the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.
Erma BombeckHe opened the jar of pickles when no one else could. He was the only one in the house who wasn't afraid to go into the basement by himself. He cut himself shaving, but no one kissed it or got excited about it. It was understood when it rained, he got the car and brought it around to the door. When anyone was sick, he went out to get the prescription filled. He took lots of pictures... but he was never in them.
Erma Bombeck