I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself.

If I raised my hand to wipe the hair out of my children's eyes, they'd flinch and call their attorney.

I remember thinking how often we look, but never see ... we listen, but never hear ... we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.

People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.

We even switched to a newly-formed church across the town that gave one hundred and twenty trading stamps each time we attended. (We now worship a brown and white chicken with a sunburst on its chest.)

Phrases and their actual meanings: My teacher has never liked me. Expect a phone call before lunch from the teacher informing you that your child has been launching hot dogs by compressing them inside a small Thermos and then removing the lid quickly.