She's as funny as a toothache

Grandmas can shed the yoke of responsibility, relax and enjoy their grandchildren in a way that was not possible when they were raising their own children. And they can glow in the realisation that here is their seed of life that will harvest generations to come.

House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.

There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it.

Success is outliving your failures

I don't think women outlive men, Doctor. It only seems longer.

Babies on television never spit up on the Ultrasuede.