Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the for young, and runs out for the aged.

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.

Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it's still snowing.

There are few things in this world more satisfying than having your son teach you how to play tennis, unless it is having a semi-truck run over your foot.

I don't know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet-tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 directions for replacing the tissue on it. Then everyone in the house would know what Mama knows.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

If God had meant us to walk around naked, he would never have invented the wicker chair.