It's important to prepare audience for the worst in life. People come to forget their problems, and it's my job, right before I leave, to go, "Don't forget: You're going through a divorce and there's a recession." It's always good to end on a pensive note.
Eugene MirmanBefore going home with a guy, give him a blow job. Guys are always more relaxed after a blow job.
Eugene MirmanIn America, Qualification is simply an attitude. I've adopted it. So, yes. I am qualified.
Eugene MirmanI don't think you should invest in commodities. Eddie Murphy made it seem risky in Trading Places.
Eugene Mirman