Think of me as an impetuous Hegel, drunk with power, and also, regular drunk.

I forget, is freedom of speech when it's legal to say what you want or is it when it has no consequences for some reason?

I saw this huge billboard that said: 'Abortion Hurts' and then it had a drawing of a butterfly. Who is that for? Is there a lady who's going to see that and be like, 'Oh, I was going to get an abortion but now that I realize it hurts I guess I'll just give birth to a child! 'Cause I know that's painless and raising it should be a snap!'

On a scale of one to ten, how punk am I? Apple. I don't use your scale.

There's something therapeutic about connecting with an audience - when there's something really sort of odd or silly that you think is funny, and conveying it to an audience.

Before going home with a guy, give him a blow job. Guys are always more relaxed after a blow job.

I remember the first time I had sex. I wore a cape and goggles... because I didn't know.