Don't throw a baby at anything - even a burglar.

The good thing about being stuck at the airport for an extra hour, is that it gives you a chance to give weary travelers surprise massages.

People used to make fun of alternative comedy because sometimes it would be someone being funny, and sometimes it was a crazy man with a flute making no sense. And it's very easy to be like, yeah, that's not really comedy.

Like if you're Jewish you have to wear a hat, but only in the middle of your head. But it all becomes clear the second that you realize that God is a 12-year-old boy with Asperger's.

If things are really overwhelming and you need to talk, you can give me a call at 347-273-2044.

I don't think you should invest in commodities. Eddie Murphy made it seem risky in Trading Places.

Imagine the wars we would've avoided if prior generations had a website where they could debate tragedy and politics in terse sentences?