You can do anything you want, as long as it works.

I'm fascinated by the logic that leads to something.

The truth is, for however much my stories come out of things that have happened to me, they're not darkly or as deeply personal as someone like Marc Maron or a lot of comedians, but they are essentially my life and my interpretation of it.

I don't think you should invest in commodities. Eddie Murphy made it seem risky in Trading Places.

On a quick side note, I would argue that--much like Samuel L. Jackson--I am not arrogant at all; I'm just actually really, really great.

Imagine the wars we would've avoided if prior generations had a website where they could debate tragedy and politics in terse sentences?

Like if you're Jewish you have to wear a hat, but only in the middle of your head. But it all becomes clear the second that you realize that God is a 12-year-old boy with Asperger's.