Confidence is the key to virtually everything. It's just deciding that you're qualified because once you decide you're qualified, everything else becomes very easy.

Prom night can be a special night, if you let it be. I know you think it's for losers and something that popular kids do because they are boring people with porcelain hearts who don't know what it means to be lonely. But you're wrong. Prom is a chance for everyone to try oral sex. Go for it.

Boys have penises and girls have vaginas. If they touch at the wrong time, you can make a baby or die.

I like the idea of being sort of withdrawn and mysterious, and what can be more mysterious that someone wearing a trash bag, like a dark trash bag, with eye holes that say "nihilism?" You'd be curious. What's underneath that? Is it perfect? Or is it broken?

The good thing about being stuck at the airport for an extra hour, is that it gives you a chance to give weary travelers surprise massages.

I don't think you should invest in commodities. Eddie Murphy made it seem risky in Trading Places.

Before going home with a guy, give him a blow job. Guys are always more relaxed after a blow job.