Confidence is the key to virtually everything. It's just deciding that you're qualified because once you decide you're qualified, everything else becomes very easy.

A lot of the things I do are the sort of things I think are funny.

Before going home with a guy, give him a blow job. Guys are always more relaxed after a blow job.

I don't know what it would be like to actually play guitar. I've toured with a lot of comedians and it's never been like it is for a rock band.

Never give in to peer pressure, especially if the peer is not attractive.

If this is airing in the future and no one knows who Karl Rove is - he's the reason you all live underground.

Why is no one talking about all the potential savings from a complete economic collapse?