Before going home with a guy, give him a blow job. Guys are always more relaxed after a blow job.

You can do anything you want, as long as it works.

Most bullies are the product of a stressful and often abusive home life. Next time a bully threatens or attacks you, just yell, 'Don't abuse me like your parents abuse you!' Then call children's services and tell them you saw this bully crying in the bathroom and you're worried about him. Bam! He just got moved to a foster home.

In this time of recession, it is the time for invention. Did you know both the telephone and the automobile were invented during recessions? So was 'talking dirty.'

It's weird - the cab driver is playing very loud dance music and yet it doesn't really feel like a party.

I don't think you should invest in commodities. Eddie Murphy made it seem risky in Trading Places.

On a scale of one to ten, how punk am I? Apple. I don't use your scale.