I don't have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.
Eugene MirmanProm night can be a special night, if you let it be. I know you think it's for losers and something that popular kids do because they are boring people with porcelain hearts who don't know what it means to be lonely. But you're wrong. Prom is a chance for everyone to try oral sex. Go for it.
Eugene MirmanI laugh at weird times - at good and bad things alike. I laugh simply when things are incongruous. It's not necessarily a judgment - as it is noticing the oddity of something.
Eugene MirmanBoys have penises and girls have vaginas. If they touch at the wrong time, you can make a baby or die.
Eugene Mirman