It's important to prepare audience for the worst in life. People come to forget their problems, and it's my job, right before I leave, to go, "Don't forget: You're going through a divorce and there's a recession." It's always good to end on a pensive note.

There's something therapeutic about connecting with an audience - when there's something really sort of odd or silly that you think is funny, and conveying it to an audience.

You wanna know what a gateway drug is? It opens a gate.

In this time of recession, it is the time for invention. Did you know both the telephone and the automobile were invented during recessions? So was 'talking dirty.'

You know how sometimes when you're drunk you say something you sort of regret... to Ace Frehley?

If this is airing in the future and no one knows who Karl Rove is - he's the reason you all live underground.

I remember the first time I had sex. I wore a cape and goggles... because I didn't know.