It's important to prepare audience for the worst in life. People come to forget their problems, and it's my job, right before I leave, to go, "Don't forget: You're going through a divorce and there's a recession." It's always good to end on a pensive note.

I think in Russia, there's a lot of storytelling and anecdotes.

Before going home with a guy, give him a blow job. Guys are always more relaxed after a blow job.

If this is airing in the future and no one knows who Karl Rove is - he's the reason you all live underground.

Yes, I'm known as America's most genuine comedian.

School, in general, was not great. Children are just mean to each other... but by high school, I probably stopped being annoying to people, and people stopped being mean. By the end of it, it was wonderful.

I'm fascinated by the logic that leads to something.