A lot of people think that kids say the darnedest things. But so would you if you had no education. You'd just be like, I am bike cheese. Because you wouldn't know what words were.

Why is no one talking about all the potential savings from a complete economic collapse?

The only thing wrong with me was that I was a weirdo that hated school. I'm sure now there'd be a disorder for it, but I was just an oddball.

A lot of the things I do are the sort of things I think are funny.

I just loved comedy as a kid and I think at some point, it just occurred to me that you could try it, and I did.

God is a twelve year old boy with Asperger's.

Most bullies are the product of a stressful and often abusive home life. Next time a bully threatens or attacks you, just yell, 'Don't abuse me like your parents abuse you!' Then call children's services and tell them you saw this bully crying in the bathroom and you're worried about him. Bam! He just got moved to a foster home.