Marriage is when two people love each other so much that they promise that if they ever, ever stop they'll fill out tons of paperwork.

In this time of recession, it is the time for invention. Did you know both the telephone and the automobile were invented during recessions? So was 'talking dirty.'

I saw this huge billboard that said: 'Abortion Hurts' and then it had a drawing of a butterfly. Who is that for? Is there a lady who's going to see that and be like, 'Oh, I was going to get an abortion but now that I realize it hurts I guess I'll just give birth to a child! 'Cause I know that's painless and raising it should be a snap!'

In America, Qualification is simply an attitude. I've adopted it. So, yes. I am qualified.

Boys have penises and girls have vaginas. If they touch at the wrong time, you can make a baby or die.

Let's start anew. Life is goals - Purpose-Attempts - Struggle-Dreams and Accomplishmenties. It sounds confusing (my fault), but it's actually simple.

Marriage is when two people love each other so much that they promise that if they ever, ever stop they'll fill out tons of paperwork.