I envy people who could just have one drink and not go look for cocaine afterwards.

My mom cooked the same food every day - tortillas, beans and meat. If it was enchiladas, it was - tortillas, beans and meat. If it was burritos, it was still - tortillas, beans and meat.

Whenever another Latino tells me they're more Mexican than me I stop working and let them do the work for me.

We have chemical weapons in America too, they're called meth and cocaine.

I used to sell marijuana to my son's mom's new husband. And then I would take that money and give it to her as child support.

I gotta lose weight. I got stretch marks on my stomach and I never had a baby. So now when I take off my shirt in front of women, I tell them I was attacked by a mountain lion.

Why go to France when you can smell the same people in coffee shops here in America.