If you have a fat brother or sister you might be American.
You write some material, go up on stage and try it out; go back home and throw it in the trash can. And the next day do it again.
Rich people bring a lawyer. Latinos and blacks bring their mom.
I envy people who could just have one drink and not go look for cocaine afterwards.
I hate when comedians use Performed For The Troops as one of there credits before they go up on stage.
The police pulled me over and asked me if I have anything illegal in my car. I looked at my cousin and I ran.