According to my local hip-hop station everyone has garnish wages, child support, liens and wants to buy or rent rims. Ya Heard!

I also had a stuttering problem. In a Mexican home they don't give you speech therapy; they don't even know what speech therapy is. They just get the belt. If there's a parrot in the house, you better talk better than the parrot.

I better start doing stand up comedy in Spanish before every comedian in Mexico translates my jokes.

I may not be the best dad but I taught my son how to get free samples at the mall.

Whenever another Latino tells me they're more Mexican than me I stop working and let them do the work for me.

Halloween is the only day I can dress up like a hot Latina woman with a beer belly.

I know I'm getting older because yesterday I called the police on my neighbors.