I could never have a threesome. This is not a threesome body. This is a turn off the lights body, leave your shirt on body - this is a tell nobody.

Cougar jokes are now as hackneyed as airplane food.

If you have a fat brother or sister you might be American.

Valentines Day is the Super Bowl of relationships. If you're alone that night you didn't make the cut.

Every week for me was the same audience, and every week they heckled me. The better I got at comedy, the better the audience was at heckling me. But it helped me with my joke writing.

Wrestling is only gay when you make eye contact.

I know I'm getting older because yesterday I called the police on my neighbors.