I better start doing stand up comedy in Spanish before every comedian in Mexico translates my jokes.

According to my local hip-hop station everyone has garnish wages, child support, liens and wants to buy or rent rims. Ya Heard!

Valentines Day is the Super Bowl of relationships. If you're alone that night you didn't make the cut.

I've got three women in my life: my mama, ex baby mama and my new baby mama.

I know I'm getting older because yesterday I called the police on my neighbors.

I don't know any skinny people who bully fat people. I just know skinny people who use fat people for rides.

I like to watch French movies with the volume up so my neighbors could think I'm terrorist.