I didn't know how to grab your best material and put it together into a comedy set. I would just choose subjects and do it onstage. That's what I learned. I didn't know how to put a set together.

I better start doing stand up comedy in Spanish before every comedian in Mexico translates my jokes.

I didn't know how to grab your best material and put it together into a comedy set. I would just choose subjects and do it onstage. That's what I learned. I didn't know how to put a set together.

Thanksgiving is the day you don't know if you're invited for dinner or an intervention either way is going to be an ambush.

My mom cooked the same food every day - tortillas, beans and meat. If it was enchiladas, it was - tortillas, beans and meat. If it was burritos, it was still - tortillas, beans and meat.

I may not be the best dad but I taught my son how to get free samples at the mall.

The war in Iraq is still going on. The British are helping. Mexico wants to help, but they need a ride over there.