I hate when comedians use Performed For The Troops as one of there credits before they go up on stage.

Whenever another Latino tells me they're more Mexican than me I stop working and let them do the work for me.

I've got three women in my life: my mama, ex baby mama and my new baby mama.

I love my dad. He used to be a professional wrestler in Mexico. So it was cool growing up with him, because when he hit us, he didn't really hit us.

I like to watch French movies with the volume up so my neighbors could think I'm terrorist.

The war in Iraq is still going on. The British are helping. Mexico wants to help, but they need a ride over there.

I could never have a threesome. This is not a threesome body. This is a turn off the lights body, leave your shirt on body - this is a tell nobody.