I hate when comedians use Performed For The Troops as one of there credits before they go up on stage.

A real woman needs quotes by dead men to get through the day.

I also had a stuttering problem. In a Mexican home they don't give you speech therapy; they don't even know what speech therapy is. They just get the belt. If there's a parrot in the house, you better talk better than the parrot.

I envy people who could just have one drink and not go look for cocaine afterwards.

The war in Iraq is still going on. The British are helping. Mexico wants to help, but they need a ride over there.

I know I'm getting older because yesterday I called the police on my neighbors.

According to my local hip-hop station everyone has garnish wages, child support, liens and wants to buy or rent rims. Ya Heard!