I started drinking when I was like 15, and by the time I was 19 everybody knew I was an alcoholic. So I would start five fights every weekend and lose terribly. First you start off fighting with one person and then he beats you up; and then one guy would be laughing, so you would hit him, too.

Every week for me was the same audience, and every week they heckled me. The better I got at comedy, the better the audience was at heckling me. But it helped me with my joke writing.

I was born in Sinaloa, Mexico, along with two of my siblings. The rest were born here in the United States. I didn't know we were illegal until I was in the 8th grade. We would call other kids wetbacks, but we were the real wetbacks!

I've got three women in my life: my mama, ex baby mama and my new baby mama.

I don't know any skinny people who bully fat people. I just know skinny people who use fat people for rides.

I used to sell marijuana to my son's mom's new husband. And then I would take that money and give it to her as child support.

You write some material, go up on stage and try it out; go back home and throw it in the trash can. And the next day do it again.