While everyone else was saying Trick or Treat my dad was telling us to say Triki Tras.

I may not be the best dad but I taught my son how to get free samples at the mall.

I got jumped into a gang, but I never shot anybody or anything. I might have been in the car when something happened, but I was involved in the gangs just for the drugs. After a while, I just became an outcast of the gang because I just liked the drugs. I just wanted to do more drugs, anything you put in my hand.

I gotta lose weight. I got stretch marks on my stomach and I never had a baby. So now when I take off my shirt in front of women, I tell them I was attacked by a mountain lion.

Wrestling is only gay when you make eye contact.

I used to sell marijuana to my son's mom's new husband. And then I would take that money and give it to her as child support.

I didn't know how to grab your best material and put it together into a comedy set. I would just choose subjects and do it onstage. That's what I learned. I didn't know how to put a set together.