While everyone else was saying Trick or Treat my dad was telling us to say Triki Tras.

I hate when comedians use Performed For The Troops as one of there credits before they go up on stage.

I gotta lose weight. I got stretch marks on my stomach and I never had a baby. So now when I take off my shirt in front of women, I tell them I was attacked by a mountain lion.

Why go to France when you can smell the same people in coffee shops here in America.

According to my local hip-hop station everyone has garnish wages, child support, liens and wants to buy or rent rims. Ya Heard!

Whenever another Latino tells me they're more Mexican than me I stop working and let them do the work for me.

I started drinking when I was like 15, and by the time I was 19 everybody knew I was an alcoholic. So I would start five fights every weekend and lose terribly. First you start off fighting with one person and then he beats you up; and then one guy would be laughing, so you would hit him, too.